Today, I came home from outside and sat in front of my dresser. I proceeded to take of my hijab and the mirror on my dresser is a bit low. I was too lazy to push it up so i just sat there looking at the lower half of my face, slowly removing the pins that hold my hijab in place.

I swear it was random. I don’t check myself out, but I randomly looked at my lips. Oh gosh, it sounds so weird on paper, or screen, or whatever. But yea, they were a bit dried up from the wind outside and I kinda smiled subconsciously. And in that split fraction of a second, before I smiled, I think a thousand thoughts flashed through my brain. Well, what were you thinking Eva?

I looked at slightly dried lips and realized, in that split second, the importance and significance of everything I work so hard for. I mean, don’t get me wrong - I’m not saying I’m a super awesome hard working woman or girl. I’m just saying that, Alhamdulillah, I’ve been able to fight a few temptations here and there. I realized that the first time this part of my body was going to touch another one of it’s kind, it would be halal. I will be able to say “you are my first.” I will be able to look at him and say, “I have never been someone else’s girl or woman or baby or jaan or honey or shona” and all this other cliche names we’ve created for our significant others.

It all sounds silly, I know. But in that fraction of a second, all of that went through my mind. All of it. And i smiled and then processed it. Subhan’Allah, the way our brain works.

If this post was too vulgar for you, because it had the words lips and baby in the same paragraph, sorry.

Take care though.

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